"Let me kill you"; he said, "In a more pleasurable way." "You will like it, I know. Not just like, you will enjoy it ", he whispered in my ears. "Don't show you need it. Just ask for it", were his words.
I closed my eyes and waited. Waited for the pleasure to fill me again, Waited for the warmth that I felt the previous time. I was lost in the moment. There was a sound and then my body shook. I fell on the ground shivering.
I found a hole in my body. A bullet hole; right through my heart. Blood, memories, love and hatred oozing out like a fountain. With disbelief and shock in my eyes, I had view piercing right through his body, I heard him say, "You asked for it, didn't you?"
I wondered when I did that. Was it when I fought with my mother for him? Or was it when I took his side during the argument with my dad? Maybe it was when I bitched about the neighbouring aunt, Or maybe when I stammered while introducing him to my uncle. Was it when I put my naked soul in-front of his eyes? Maybe it was when I undressed and surrendered myself for him to caress. I wonder when I asked him for the bullet?
I can't remember asking him for the metal. But I do remember asking him to kill me, When the pain was being replaced by the heavenly pleasure, While I lay below him, pulling down his head on my breast. Breathing heavily, holding onto him tight, I said, "Kill me, will you? "
It was the pleasure I asked for. It was the promises I thought we made. It was the dream that I saw of us. It was the family I thought we planned. I asked for these; not the bullet.
Was it too much to ask for?
Debaleen Das Spandan
04/03/2018
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